TITLE: A Touch of Evil BY: Nyxocity PAIRING: Jared/Jensen RATING: NC-17 CHAPTERS: 10/10 WORD COUNT: 116,351 SUMMARY: Jensen is an accomplished forensic pathologist hiding a secret life as a serial killer—a serial killer with a code that means he only murders other killers. His sister, Danneel, is lead homicide detective in the Dallas Police Department and Jensen works alongside her to solve cases, hiding his double life. A recent series of serial killer murders leads Jensen down a dark path of romantic messages secretly directed at him. Investigation leads them to Parkland Memorial Hospital where Jensen meets renowned trauma surgeon Jared Padalecki. Jensen is undeniably drawn to Jared by something he can’t define, something he’s never felt outside of killing. As the messages from the killer become more intricate, Jensen is pulled deeper into darkness, and unable to deny his attraction to Jared, he eventually finds himself at a terrible crossroads. Can he continue to keep his double life a secret and still discover the killer’s identity? Or will he lose his code and everything he knows he should care about in the process?
Wincest AU: To cope with Dean becoming a demon, Sam makes a deal of his own, protection for Dean if he agrees to become a demon too. When he finds out, Dean does the only thing he can think to do and sends them both back where they belong. Hell thrives under its new regime.
FIC IDEA!! Jared and Jensen are rival jewelers. Jared has the big “Galleria of Jewelry” superstore and Jensen has the smaller boutique store. Basically it’s like You’ve Got Mail but with jewelry instead of books. Come on, fic writers. Help a girl out. I love a good AU based on a movie.
Geez, really putting my nuggets in a salad shooter here. Fine.
Here is the scenario. Dean is Swedish Pop Star Dane Jensen, lead singer of the pop group Gudtimes, perhaps you are familiar with their chart topper “Tight Blue Jeans”? Sam is Saami Fuksaallaya, Finnish lead singer of the Norwegian Black Metal band Gore Fjord. Their biggest hit to date is “Troll Rape.”
After a cheery ABBA-esque performance one night in Oslo, Norway, Dane gave an interview to the music reporter for the Oslo Dagbladet. He revealed that Saami was actually born in Finland and grew up a poor reindeer farmer. His real name was Jari Padavainen. At 18 he left home and toured the Northern European Wiccan Music festival scene with his pagan folk band “Antler Velvet”. This sparked outrage among the Black Metal community. Saami was a black metal God, and here he had been exposed as a fraud, his reputation was ruined. His death face was now a disgrace face. Saami didn’t know when or where it would happen, but he would have his revenge.
Fast forward 8 months. Gudtimes was at the top of their game. Their latest album had just dropped in America and “Tight Blue Jeans” made its debut at #98 on the billboard top 100. Saami, or Jari as he was known by once again was back in Helsinki. His moment came when he was walking home from his miserable new job at Hesburger and saw a flyer, Gudtimes was playing the Otter festival… tonight! Dane Jensen would die this evening.
That night Saami went to the concert. He nearly vomited from the disdain he felt for this crap called music. “Look at all these smiling faces” he thought. All because of HIM. He looked up at the stage and watched Dane belt out “Tight Blue Jeans” while rhythmically gyrating his Swedish hips with reckless abandon, knowing full well his country’s excellent system of government run health care would reset them if they popped out of place. He felt an odd tingle in his black leather pants. The last encore was “Firecracker Gangbang”. The Swedes took their bows to the respectful and properly behaved crowd and headed backstage. Saami made his move.
After sneaking by the securty guard he made his way down the twisting hallway. After three turns, one left, one right then left again, he found Dane’s dressing room. His rage boiled over. He reared back and kicked the door in, Dane jumped back in surprise at first and then smiled “Jari my friend so good to see you!”
Saami: “How dare you tell that reporter those things with your beautiful Swede mouth Jensen?!?”
Dane: “Your fans deserve the truth!”
Saami: “You know nothing of my fans you filthy lutesfisk eater!”
With that he lunged at Dane, Dane deftly stepped aside and gracefully grabbed a Salt Cod off the craft services table and hit Saami over the head with it. He immediately grabbed him from behind in an effort to subdue him. In the kerfuffle Danes iPod fell on the floor and started playing “Havenless” by Enslaved. Saami stopped his struggles. Tears came to his eyes. He hated this man for months, and now it turns out they were more alike than he could have dreamed.
Saami: “Stop Dane, Stop! I am sorry!”
Dane: “I should be the one to be sorry, I acted like an ignorant Laplander.”
Their eyes met.
Saami: “Tonight I wanted to kill you, now all I want is for you to go lingonberries deep in my hellhole.”
Dane: “I too want that Jari”
And that’s just what happened. Fast forward one year. Dane and Saami started their own band “Alskande” or lovers in Swedish. They spent their days playing accoustic lutes at quaint Stockholm cafes and eating Swedish pancackes. And they never once forgot the lingonberries.
There are so many directions you could take this. If you wanted a J2 scenario you could imagine Jared as the quarterback for the LA Rams, and Jensen was a jewel thief who was masquerading as an inept ventriloquist who was planning on heisting Jared’s newly won Super Bowl ring. Upon breaking into his cabin while Jared is in the shower, he gets caught and yada yada yada, tight end, wide receiver, hand up up my backside, the jokes write themselves.
I prefer more of a true period piece crossover. Picture Sam with a tight perm and a mustache, Dean with a Ted McGinley feathered haircut, both dressed in ice cream colored suits for the evening wear, tiny upsetting shorts and barely there tank tops or mesh t’s for casual wear. Socks up to the knees.
They are booked on the Princess as two partners in the law firm, Reynolds and Deluise. They are actually there to work a case. There has been a rash of ghost sightings on the ship, all of which were highly publicized in the Weekly World News. Dean is obviously distracted, it is the loveboat. Sam is getting the attention of every old lady on the cruise, and has to fend off a randy Rue McLanahan for the entire hour long episode. Dean has a threesome involving the Landers Sisters. Back to the case. Turns out there is a ghost. A young woman from Nebraska committed suicide by diving off the top deck into the shallow end of the pool after learning her husband cheated on her, during their honeymoon no less. For the purpose of wrapping up the plot, and lets face the writing sucks on the love boat, the woman was actually creamated, but for some reason all of her personal belongings are still stored in the ships hold. The bros find her stuff, burn her toothbrush, ghost is gone. To wrap it up, Sam has to tell Rue goodbye, gently, with a kiss on the cheek, and Dean sprints off, narrowly missing the Landers twins and leaving Sam to the awkward task of telling them he has no idea where he went.
nothingidputbeforeyou 